Straight Face?

Today, I nearly sliced my nipple off while shaving my chest and had to go to the ER. Turns out it was a teaching hospital so I got to explain in front of two doctors and eight med students how, even though I'm a woman, my nipples are so hairy I have to shave them.

Today, I got an invitation to my ex-boyfriend's wedding. We broke up because "he didn't believe in marriage."

I was at a hotel swimming pool ( on the diving board) when one of the girls lost her top I emedialety got a rock hard boner ( right as my friends started chanting flip) so all of the girls I was trying to impres got a look at a my boner, (most
of them laughed and some of them smiled)

Today, I got fired. By my father. He wants me to drive him to work tomorrow.

Today, the girl who I have had a crush on for 2 years snuck up from behind me and gave me a hug. I farted very loud at the same exact time.

Today, I flew 8 hours to visit my boyfriend. When I arrived at the airport, and he started taking long to show up, I checked my email to see the info. I hit the junk mail by accident and found his last 10 emails in there. He had broken up with me a week ago.

Just Read It